Friday, March 2, 2012

I'm Sexy and I Know It!

I’m sexy and I know It…..

That is my mantra for the next couple of months as I gear up to participate in something that I never thought I would do – even when I was 18 and 100lbs.

I’m going to do a boudoir shoot.

Now, it’s not like I woke up one day and thought, “Hey – I’m 50lbs overweight right now and my boobs are different sizes due to breastfeeding – but the stretch marks and the nice tanish stripe down my belly balances that off quite nicely – I know!  I’ll go do a boudoir shoot!

It was more like, my wedding anniversary is in May and my husband and I had talked about taking a cruise and even though I had started trying lose weight months ago – I had managed to gain another 10lbs.  So, if I really want to enjoy the cruise and not be mistaken for a beached whale (picture the natives trying to roll me back into the water), I better really get serious and do what I need to do to lose weight.  Then as if by weight watcher magic, my friend at work (who is also a photographer) mentioned that she has a friend coming into town (also a photographer) who really wanted to add some boudoir photos to her portfolio.  My friend thought I might be the only one she knew who would be just crazy enough to pose for the pics.  And, wouldn’t you know it; the friend is coming into town the week before I would leave for my cruise.  Fate?

So – of course – I really have to lose weight now.  The challenge has been laid down.  BRING IT ON!!!

I mean, not being able to fit into your clothes, having to rest a minute after walking up one flight of stairs, missing a whole strip on your bikini area when you shave (because your gut was blocking your view), having no interest in sex…….all of that I can deal with.  BUT… looking bad in a picture that probably no one else besides my husband will see……NOW, THAT I CANNOT ALLOW!

So, I started dieting 2 weeks ago and have lost 10lbs.  Now, even though that sounds good – I wasn’t all that surprised that I lost that much so quickly.  Right away, you know that 4-6lbs of that is water weight.  No matter what diet you do – a woman will lose 4-6lbs the first week every time.  I also quit nursing when I started dieting so I knew that since I was not producing milk out of my udders anymore, that I would also lose some weight with that as well.  So, these 10lbs are really just tricks I played on my body.  I also started my period in that time frame as well, so there was some more water weight lost.  But now, the milk is gone and my period is gone; so unless I can magically make more fluid come out of my ass – now is when the diet really starts. 

I also have a theory about being in a relationship with fat.  The longer you’ve had the fat – the harder it is to lose.  So, if you recently gained 5lbs, you could lose that pretty quickly.  If it’s leftover pregnancy fat – and you’re baby is about six months old – than it might take a little longer to lose that.  But, if we’re talking about fat that you’ve been in a long, committed relationship with – fat that you gained without any added event (like pregnancy or a holiday) – than that fat is committed to you as well and can be really hard to break up with.  When I met my husband, I weighed 117lbs.  After two years of us being together, I weighed 131 on my wedding day.  And a year and some months after that – on the day I found out I was pregnant, I weighed 140.  And now, almost a year later, as I committed to doing the booty shoot, I stepped on the scale and weighed a whopping 169!  HOLY SHIT!  Now, I’m only 5ft tall and small-boned, so that is a lot of wagon that I’m draggn.

So, I’ve lost 10lbs so far.  My son is 10 months old, so I figure if I really get my butt in gear, I could probably lose the next 19lbs in 3-4 months.  But, I just have this feeling that I’m going to hit 140lbs and those last 25lbs are going to plead, “NO – GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE!  I PROMISE TO STAY AT 140 AND NOT GO ANY HIGHER!  I’VE BEEN HERE FOR YOU FOR OVER 5 YEARS, YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME!!!”  And then we’ll talk and make up over some Taco Bueno and there in my boudoir photo will be me and my fat.  And I just know my fat will be a total camera whore and hog all the shots!

So – unless Spanx is going to be incorporated into the picture somehow – I have to break up with all of my fat.  L

So – wish me luck – I’ve never been good at breaking up.  But….I will have you know that just this morning, I walked right on by a plate of strudel from Panera Bread and even though I had to swat my fat as it reached out and tried to grab one, I just kept right on……and singing……


No comments:

Post a Comment