We all know what drunk dialing is and if you’re married with kids (as I am), then drunk dialing is probably a fond memory….way back there, along with hot sex, bikinis, and firm fat. (If you’re not familiar with ‘firm fat’, it’s your ‘fat’ you have before you have kids. I’m not talking about thinking you have fat and you don’t…I’m talking about the real fat that you do have, but for some reason it’s firm and not rolly. Like, if you’ve ever seen an early 20-something year old and she’s of average height and you know she probably weighs 140 or maybe even 150, and she clearly wears a size 10 or 12….but for some reason her fat is staying above the line of her jeans. She may even have a tummy – a little pouch – that sticks out….but again, it’s not hanging down over the button on her low-rise jeans. That’s firm fat.)
But, anyways – so we’re all familiar with drunk dialing. The newer generations use drunk texting, but for my crowd – drunk dialing was the way to go. But how many of you have ever been drunk dialed by……
your lawn guy before?
No joke – I woke up in the middle of the night this last Saturday to my husband, ‘T’, practically shouting into his phone, “Well, alright man – yeah, you have a good night too!”
Our lawn guy – that sprays our lawn about four times a year – drunk called ‘T’ last Saturday night. ‘T’ has never chatted with this guy, except to tell him what areas of our yard need more spray. I asked ‘T’ if he meant to call him or if he dialed ‘T’s number by mistake. No – mistake. Our lawn guy was drunk and just thought about calling ‘T’.
‘T’ relayed the conversation to me:
Drunk Lawn Guy: HEY MAN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING MAN? I JUST LEFT YOUR AREA AND WAS THINKING ABOUT YOU; THOUGHT I MIGHT GIVE YOU A CALL AND SEE WHAT YOU’RE DOING MAN!
‘T’: Oh, ok? I’m doing good. How bout you?
Drunk Lawn Guy: I’M GOOD MAN…ACTUALLY MAN, I’M F-UP RIGHT NOW MAN!!
‘T’: Oh yeah – you partying tonight?
Drunk Lawn Guy: YEAH MAN! WELL I JUST THOUGHT I’D SAY HEY!
‘T’: Ok – well you take care tonight.
Drunk Lawn Guy: I WILL MAN! YOU TOO MAN!!
I asked ‘T’ if he was going to report him to his company or get a new lawn guy.
‘T’: Hell no! He does a good job and is cheaper than the other people we used. As long as he doesn’t run over our cats or spray the house – I don’t care if he drinks.