Monday, April 23, 2012

Wimpy White Boy Disease - Pt 2

Many people got in contact with me after my last post regarding Wimpy White Boy Disease and I was just amazed at how many women are suffering in silence – living with an affected husband and affected sons.  I never realized before the magnitude of shame and the isolation that these women have – believing there is nothing they can do or no one they can talk to.  I found that most women didn’t even realize that WWBD is an actual condition; they just thought they’d married lazy assholes. 

In my last post – I gave the clinical diagnosis of WWBD, the symptoms and examples of the disease.  As I clearly see there is a need to provide some more education on the subject, I have included the below:

WWBD; Currently, there is not a cure and the method of treatment is largely based on the male’s age and the severity of the symptoms.  Because the patient is unable to recognize the disease in himself or any other white male, there is not a decrease in the quality of life and therefore treatment is aimed at helping the other female members of the family cope with the many difficulties of this disease.  The one exception to this is when the onset occurs at birth – where the symptoms are exclusively medical in nature – and do require medical intervention.   (This is not to be confused with other diagnoses that can afflict neonate males, such as pre-maturity; WWBD can only be diagnosed if the infant is a white male, 37-40 weeks of gestational age and does not have any other medical conditions.  *See my last post regarding this.)

Methods of treatment can include but are not limited to:

Moderate amounts of alcohol (studies have shown that wine seems to be the most effective)

Moderate amounts of chocolate

Retail therapy (accessing the afflicted males finances during this treatment has been shown to  
                        increase the success rate as much as 70%; making this method the ‘Gold Star’ of     
                        treatment options.)

Anti-depressants – although this is a tricky one that can backfire on you.   Anti-depressants affect
                               the ‘give o shit’ part of the brain and some women have reported that while they
                               did seem to notice a decrease in the give o shit of their husband’s/son’s
                               behavior, they also experienced a decrease in the give o shit for their eating 
                               habits, house cleaning, and personal hygiene.  The widely accepted theory that
                               antidepressants also decrease libido has been proven to be a myth.  Studies
                               have shown that libido begins to decrease at the time of matrimony and is
                               absent entirely during a women’s child-bearing years.

Support Groups (such as Girls Night Out) – like most support groups, this treatment is aimed at
                        bringing together people who are affected by WWBD and helping to support one        
                        another.  The greatest benefit of these groups is that usually the other types of
                        treatment are also included in these meetings.  The place and time of these
                        meetings is constantly changing – to meet the needs of its members – and typically
                        rotate through: another member’s house, the mall, a spa, and a bar.  The meetings
                        do not have to be confidential and members can associate with one another outside
                        of the meeting setting.  Members do not have one sponsor, but multiple sponsors
                        that they can access at any time.               

If left untreated, families of individuals with WWBD – most notably the mothers or wives – often develop a condition called, ‘Bitter Woman Disease’ or BWD.  This occurs in about 90% of the women.  Onset of this almost always happens when the woman has a husband and a son(s) of her own.  The period of onset is when the symptoms of this condition are the most severe.  Women usually do not considerate it appropriate for the children to know of their condition, but do heartily agree that their husbands should be present for all of it.  Ironically, the woman has no trouble recognizing that she is afflicted.

The signs to watch for in BWD include:

A continuing increase in the woman’s medication – As the severity of BWD increases, the woman increases her dosage of alcohol, chocolate, and/or antidepressants.  Eventually the woman is totally dependent upon these drugs and at very lethal levels.

Compulsive Repetitive Declaration/Inquisition (CRDI) – This actually evolves from the wife’s continued exposure to the husband’s/son(s)’ impaired memory function.  Not only does the wife have to remember most things (as she’s always had to), but if she physically is not able to do something that she remembered (like pick up a few items on her way home from work), than she also has to remember to remind her husband no less than five times that he said he would go to the store, remind him what to get at the store, and then remind him to take the list that you asked him to make so he wouldn’t forget anything.  Since the WWBD husband does not recognize that she has to do that because of his inability to, he assumes this to be an undesirable personality trait.  CRDI is most often called ‘nagging’ or ‘bitching’.  The clinical component of it is often forgotten by women themselves, and many begin to think that it is a reflection of their true nature.  CRDI also occurs in a large portion of women who do not have BWD.      

Subtle acts of coercion/retribution – The woman has learned at this point that trying to talk to her husband about how she is feeling does not work.  Mistakenly, she thinks that if she can show him how she feels, than his behavior might change.  She might withhold conversation (the silent treatment) or conveniently come home from work too late to make dinner.  Sadly because a WWBD male lacks the ability to process facial expressions, inflection of tone, or body language – he simply cannot interpret what these demonstrations mean.  And those with less severe forms of WWBD might be able to process those details, but will be incapable of attaching any kind of feeling to it – such as accountability, empathy, or remorse.  The wife will come home (late from work) and still have to make dinner.  It will be 8 o’clock before the children eat (thus setting off a whole new chain of evening un-pleasantries) and she will be unable to say anything to him about it – because she remembers that she’s not speaking to him.    

Seemingly unexplained fits of rage – The rage is first directed at the husband.  When that doesn’t produce the desired effect, the woman with BWD will take out her frustrations on items associated with her husband and that usually does produce results (although not a desired one).  These items can include: his car (in its entirety or pieces of it), his athletic equipment, his TV…..his mother.

Outright withholding of sexual intercourse (and everything associated with it) – The BWD is tired of
making up excuses as to why she doesn’t want to sleep with her husband.  Due to the ‘bitter’ nature of the disease, the woman no longer cares if she hurts her husband’s feelings and so does not tell him that she’s had uncontrollable diarrhea all day nor give in and participate; knowing that even though she will not be getting off – it will only take him exactly 1 minute and 30 seconds to do so.  The husband, who so considerately waits until his wife is done with all of her daily chores and caring of their children, (including her afflicted sons), and also seeing to his needs, will be shocked and angry when she tells him: “No, I would not like some warm dickencider (‘dick inside her’) to drink.  Nor do I want it in any other orifice of my body.  Contrary to what you think, the only thing I’m thinking when I see you stretched out on the bed naked is that it’s been a while since I washed the sheets.  And while we’re having this disclosure, you might as well know that in addition to doing everything else better than you, I can also get myself off better than you can as well.”

Unfortunately, BWD is not widely accepted in the medical community.  This is probably due to the fact that a large majority of people in the healthcare industry are men.  Instead of giving it its proper distinction and acknowledging the causes of it, the signs and symptoms are often lumped under another medical condition.  Women are told they are nagging, passive-aggressive, frigid bitches who drink and eat too much. 

Even sadder, is that BWD eventually progresses into its final stage, known as FIA (Fuck It All).  Every case is different; no two women will experience it in the exact same way.  Although, it uniformly happens when the BWD woman acknowledges that she can no longer take care of a husband with WWBD, the way in which the responsibility is released is unique to every woman.  It could be sudden or happen over several months. 

Here are some reported ways in which BWD wives have experienced FIA:

Moving out while WWBD husband is at work…….and taking everything in the house in the process
Moving out while WWBD husband is at work, taking everything in the house in the process…….and moving in with his best friend
Moving out while WWBD husband is at work, taking everything in the house in the process, and half of his 401 K…..and moving in with his best friend
Gluing of the penis to the stomach, while said man is sleeping (usually infidelity is involved)
Backing over the husband with a car…..a few times.  (infidelity and possibly alcohol could have been involved)

Prognosis of WWBD:

The outlook can be very good.  Even if the wife of the husband with WWBD is in the end stages of FIA, remission is still possible.  It’s important for these women to realize that IT’S NOT THEM and it’s not really their husbands’ fault either.  It’s genetic.  As soon as women accept this and focus their energy on trying to live with the disease – rather than cure it – things can improve pretty quickly.  But, understand that living with the disease is not the same thing as suffering from the disease.  Although, a WWBD wife can take care of everything in her home – that doesn’t mean that she should.  But, it also doesn’t mean that she can expect the husband to either.  It just means that from time to time everyone in the house may run out of clean clothes……for a few weeks.  (Quick Tip:  If seeing laundry piling up stresses you out, then simply don’t look at it.  Close the laundry door and don’t come in through the garage so you don’t have to see it.  Don’t worry; you’ll know when it’s absolutely necessary to wash some clothes.  Your children running around naked (more than they usually do) will be the sign to watch for.)  WARNING:  Your husband griping at you about not having any clean clothes DOES NOT count as a sign to watch for.  That is just one of the symptoms of the disease; the WWBD husband would gripe regardless.  Remember you can’t cure that; treatment is aimed at helping yourself.  So, if your husband starts griping because the laundry’s not done, simply take yourself to one of your meetings or at the very least call one of your many sponsors.  You will need to talk with her no less than one hour and it’s best to do so in a calm, relaxing place – such as the backyard, in a lawn chair, with a cocktail.    It may be necessary to stay in your calming place until the WWBD flare-up has passed.


As stated before, not all Caucasian males suffer from WWBD and even those that do may have a mild form of the disease.  Sometimes, the symptoms are so mild, that wives find that the quality of their marriage is overall not affected by it.

As for my personal testimony….

Yes, my husband (and 3 out of my 3 sons) are afflicted with WWBD.  With respects to my husband, I am fortunate in many ways.  He does not have a problem with cleaning or cooking – or generally sharing in most of the responsibilities of raising our children.  He is also a very healthy individual – so I can’t even say if he would be the type to be overly dramatic about a minor ailment.  But, I do have to say that one time I got a MRSA staph infection on my face – right between my eyes- and he wouldn’t drive me to the emergency room.  He told me it was a big zit.  My mom ended up having to take me and my husband was a little shocked that my ‘zit’ almost left me blind and made me stay in the hospital for a week.  He made it up to me though by bringing my baby up to the hospital to stay with me and take care of.  (He knew just how much caring for an infant would help me to heal.)  My hubby does have a problem with multi-tasking and remembering things, but I actually happen to love organizing and planning things and being in control – so that’s not such a big deal either. 

For my sons, I’m still trying to gage the extent of their WWBD.  My baby clearly had it at birth –but sense then, hasn’t had too many flare-ups.  He’s only 11 months though, so it’s probably way too early to tell.  Now, my other 2 sons (who are almost the same age) both have it pretty severe.  Only they have completely different symptoms, so sometimes I think that is way worse.  I haven’t come up with some treatment suggestions for dealing with sons yet.  (It’s not exactly like you can just tell them, “Hey – you guys are pissing me off, so I’m going to head on down to the bar to meet with my support group.  I will finish making dinner when I get back – if I still can.”)  I think some women do that – but those are also the same women who backed over their husbands with their cars….a few times.  And since WWBD males can’t recognize it in other males, my husband doesn’t understand why they’re pissing me off.  He’ll quietly whisper to them (as I storm out of the room), “Don’t mind mom; it’s just a bad time of the month right now for her; I’ll explain it when you’re older.”

But, I’m doing something right.  Even though, my husband and 2 older sons aren’t quite sure what they did; they are pretty sure they did something.  And even though they (mainly my husband) are even more sure that what they did do was not a big deal, sooner or later I will see two small sets of eyes peeking around my bedroom door, holding homemade cards that say things like, ‘Sori  4 wat i did, mom.  i luv u.’  Now, my husband will say something like, “I’m sorry you’re having such a bad day.  Don’t worry; I’m not mad at you for taking it out on me.”

But, that’s ok; I’ve learned to immediately quit listening after the word ‘sorry’ comes out  I am almost guaranteed not to like what comes after. 

Hello.  My name is ‘S’ and my husband does have WWBD.       

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