Friday, April 6, 2012

She's got the look

The weight loss is going good; I’m down about 22lbs.  I’m about 7lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight, but still have another 25lbs or so after that until I’m at my all-time weight loss goal.

The boudoir shoot is in 4 weeks and 2 days.  I’ve entered the planning phase.  I’ve booked a hair appointment in the coming weeks, so my color will be at its freshest and I’ve booked some spray tanning sessions.  I have tentatively set a date to get a mani and pedi and I’ve also tentatively secured a stylist for the day of the shoot.  It’s coming along nicely.

But, I have yet to decide some of the most crucial aspects of the booty shoot.  Such as……what kind of pictures do I want to take?  What do I want to wear?  What props do I want to use?

I have no freaking idea.

I’ve looked at some other boudoir portfolios online and at some magazines for some ideas, but in all honesty, I find the women in the other boudoir portfolios kind of cheesy looking and find the women in the magazines kind of unrealistic looking.  I’m pretty sure that is a cause and effect type of thing.  Other women – choosing to do a boudoir shoot – probably looked through the same magazines for inspiration and were so inspired, they thought, ‘Hey – I can look exactly like that!’  And so said is the cause of the cheesy looking photos in the portfolios.  See what I’m saying. 

So, I’m kind of stumped.

Through looking at all of these on-line boudoir portfolios, I have organized them into categories though and I think I will approach this in a scientific sort of way.  Maybe that will help me make a decision.  I’m not listing all the categories below…..just a couple that I have studied thoroughly so far and have formed some observations (not opinions) about.

The, ‘I’m your fantasy come true’ photos.

These are the photos where the woman is dressed up in a costume of sorts.  You might find her wearing a fireman hat and coveralls – with the suspender straps covering her bare ta-tas.  I also saw plenty of cowboy hats and cowboy boots – strategically covering more ta-tas and hoo-has.  (Now, that one made me laugh, because my son ‘D’ often goes around dressed like that.)  And then there were army dog-tags on a chain- dangling between the pearly whites of a woman wearing nothing but a smile.

I am going to assume that these photos were meant to pay homage to a special man in these women’s lives – who probably were fireman, cowboys, and military men themselves.  Or – maybe it had always been a fantasy of one man to see his wife dressed up like a fireman.  Which, just seems a little weird to me.  I don’t think I would ever have a hankering to see my husband dressed up like a ballerina or something.  But, I think it is a safe assumption to say that these costumes represent a man or a fantasy for the women wearing them.

Now, in regards to my hubby, ‘T’…..he works on airplanes.  He wears regular clothes to work every day, so while I would be totally comfortable wearing jeans and a t-shirt for the photo shoot, I don’t think that’s necessarily sexy or worth wasting money on a spray tan for.  I supposed I could just pose sexy on the bed, holding a match box airplane……but I would have to borrow it from one of my kids, and that makes me feel…..just plain wrong.

Ok- so nix on the sexy aircraft mechanic.

The only two hobbies ‘T’ has is hunting and making his own beer.

Now – there’s a thought.  I could go with the hunting theme and either cover myself head to toe in leaves and mud…..or wear nothing and get into shooting position, hosting the rifle up on my shoulder with my eye looking down the barrel and my finger on the trigger……butt ass naked.  Hmmm.

Or – I could take a crack at the beer making theme and drag out all of his supplies and kit (which sort of looks like a portable meth lab) and drape my body over them……or I guess I can always just focus on the beer bottles and one can always do certain things with those……hmmm.

On the off chance that anyone does see my photos, I don’t want to hear comments like, “Ooh, yeah – I have a few photos that wish didn’t get taken either.  I’m mean at the time – when you’re at a party and drunk off your ass - stripping down and deep-throating a beer bottle seems like harmless fun, but with everyone having cell phones with cameras these days, you just can take the chance.  Know what I mean.”  

Next category.

The, ‘Victoria’s Secret Catalogue’ photos.

These are the photos where the women are wearing lingerie.  My favorites are when the woman is wearing lingerie from head to toe – like the whole get up.  They have the bustier with the garters attached to the fish net thigh highs over the itty bitty thong and of course the six-inch stilettos complete the ensemble.  And about half of these women can totally pull it off and the other half…should just really pull it off!  Hey – I know my body and its capabilities and in the shape it’s in right now, I just don’t see it surviving crotch-less panties.  I often wonder if these women bring someone with them when they buy lingerie and if they do – if that someone is honest.  I would hope that before I put my goods out there in $200.00 nylon – forever recorded in photography – that one of my friends would love me enough to say, “Ummmm, ‘S’…..yeah, I totally agree that red is your color…..but maybe not so much in a lace body stocking.”  But, I’m just going to shut my mouth right now because if I were to be completely honest – I’m just jealous that these women don’t really give a shit what anyone else thinks and they feel sexy and know they are sexy…..and I am just the naysayer who will be wearing a moo-moo in my photo shoot.

But, aside from that…..I do have a couple of valid points about these photos. 

If you are going to wear six-inch stilettos and pose in a bed……please realize that in whatever pose you are doing, your ‘lettos’ should either be placed flat on the bed (without much weight bearing on them) or laying flush.  Spiked heels are not meant to support much weight on a mattress and smooshed down with your foot all bent in awkwardly (so that it gives the appearance of being an amputee) does not for a sexy picture make.

If you are a tall girl (totally jealous) and so have appropriately longer feet…..please realize that wearing any kind of platform might (I said might) make your foot appear slightly bigger and if that is the case, it might not be such a good idea to allow your foot/feet to photo bomb your picture.  I say keep those puppies somewhat to the side or behind your body.

It is perfectly fine to wear head to toe, neon green lingerie…..but maybe not wear neon green eye shadow too.  Just a suggestion. 

And this last one is really just a personal preference of mine.

I, myself, like things to be symmetrical.  (And I’m not just talking about boobs).  What I mean, is like…..if the backdrop for said shoot is a red chaise lounge, heavily embroidered (think elegance and a seductive charm) than maybe said lingerie should be of the same quality.  That might not be the right time to debut the string bikini and clear platform high heels.  And…..while you’re at it – you might consider wearing very pretty, natural makeup, and very pretty, natural hair.  I don’t know about anybody else, but I want my photos to give the impression that I’m lounging around on my chaise, in my own home, and I absolutely wear this $300.00 silk chemise to bed every night and my hair just naturally looks like some man has been running his hands through it – as we make love, every night – on this same chaise lounge.

I don’t want my photos to give the impression that I’m on vacation – touring Graceland or some other historic home – and I impromptively grab my husband and say, “Hey – sneak over here with me!  I’m going to take off my bathing suit cover and you take some pictures of me with your cell phone, while I’m straddling the ‘King’s’ blue suede sofa over here.  Hurry – before anyone sees us!”

Say Cheeseeeeee!  

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